Time, unfortunately doesn’t make it easy to stay on course. The path
is straight as ever, but now it is strewn with the rocks and gravel that
accumulate over a lifetime. Until three years ago it would have been
easy to ignore, but it’s impossible now. There is a sickness rolling
through my body; I’m neither strong nor healthy, and my days are
spent like an old party balloon: listless, spongy and growing softer
over time.
I cough, and through squinted eyes I check my watch. I realize it is
time to go. I stand and shuffle across the room; stopping at the desk to
pick up the notebook I have read a hundred times. I slip it beneath my
arm and continue on my way to the place I must go.
I walk on tiled floors, white speckled with grey. Like my hair and
the hair of most people here, though I’m the only one in the hallway
this morning. They are in their rooms, alone except for television, but
they, like me, are used to it. A person can get used to anything, given
enough lime.
I hear the muffled sounds of crying in the distance and know who is
making them. The nurses see me and we smile and exchange
greetings. I am sure they wonder about me and the things that I go
through every day. I listen as they begin to whisper among themselves
when I pass.
“There he goes again.” I hear. “I hope it turns out well.” But they
say nothing directly to me about it.
A minute later, I reach the room. The door has been propped open
for me, as it usually is. There are two nurses in the room, and as I
enter they say “Good morning” with cheery voices, and I take a
moment to ask about the kids and the schools and upcoming
vacations. We talk above the crying for a minute or so. They do not
seem to notice: they have become numb to it, but then again, so have
I.
Afterwards I sit in the chair that has come to be shaped like me.
They are finishing up now; her clothes are on, but she is crying. It will
become quieter after they leave. I know. The excitement of the
