This is all we have left of her now. Memories and nostalgia, and in my
case, a great big dollop of guilt.
“Where the hell is that thing?” Nathan says, frowning. Maddox pulls the
watch out of his jeans pocket and holds it up to show us, tears making his
eyes shiny.
“Jesus, it feels so weird without her here.” Mason downs his Scotch and
gets to his feet. “Like this house has no fucking soul anymore. Let’s get the
fuck out of here and go somewhere.”
That’s Mason for you. Always in motion.
“Like where, jerkwad?” I ask, rolling my eyes. He’s acting like he has a
plan, but I know better.
“I dunno. A club or something. A place where there’s life.”
Life. I think we’ve all forgotten what that is. I know I have. All I’ve
done since I lost her is focus on my studies and work my ass off. I still feel
like shit, but it’s helped distract me from how much I miss her. How much I
regret.
Maddox pulls a face. He’s big—football-star big—but he’s still only
sixteen, and he won’t get into any clubs. “And what about me, dickface?”
“Nobody is going anywhere,” Dad snaps, shutting down our bickering
in the way only he can. “So quit your whining and drink your Scotch.”
“Sorry, Pop.” Mason drops back down onto the couch.
We all watch our father down the rest of his drink, his silhouette
outlined by the streaks and flashes of color coming from the window behind
him. Dalton James is a big man. A tough man. He built his business empire
into one of the most successful in the world and made his first billion by the
time he was thirty-five. He’s impressive in every way—but to us, he’s Dad.
A dad who was always strict but also fair; a dad who adored all five of us
boys but worshipped the very ground his wife walked on. He hasn’t been
the same since she died, but I guess none of us have. We hoard our grief,
him most of all, because that’s all we have left of her.
“I have a piece of advice for all you boys,” he announces. It’s clear that
he’s serious, and not even Mason rolls his eyes. “You live by this, and I
promise that you’ll never know a day’s heartache in your life.”
Too damn late for that, I think.
Elijah looks up at him. “And what’s that, Dad?”
Dad pauses, and we all wait to hear what he wants to share with us. His
eyes swim with tears I know he will never let fall. He’s too hard for that, at
