August 25, 1991
Dear friend,
I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and
didn’t try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could
have. Please don’t try to figure out who she is because then you might
figure out who I am, and I really don’t want you to do that. I will call
people by different names or generic names because I don’t want you to
find me. I didn’t enclose a return address for the same reason. I mean
nothing bad by this. Honest.
I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and
doesn’t try to sleep with people even if they could have. I need to know
that these people exist.
I think you of all people would understand that because I think you of
all people are alive and appreciate what that means. At least I hope you
do because other people look to you for strength and friendship and it’s
that simple. At least that’s what I’ve heard.
So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and
sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.
I try to think of my family as a reason for me being this way,
especially after my friend Michael stopped going to school one day last
spring and we heard Mr. Vaughn’s voice on the loudspeaker.
“Boys and girls, I regret to inform you that one of our students has
passed on. We will hold a memorial service for Michael Dobson during
assembly this Friday.”
I don’t know how news travels around school and why it is very often
right. Maybe it was in the lunchroom. It’s hard to remember. But Dave
with the awkward glasses told us that Michael killed himself. His mom
played bridge with one of Michael’s neighbors and they heard the
gunshot.
I don’t really remember much of what happened after that except that
my older brother came to Mr. Vaughn’s office in my middle school and
told me to stop crying. Then, he put his arm on my shoulder and told me
to get it out of my system before Dad came home. We then went to eat
french fries at McDonald’s and he taught me how to play pinball. He
even made a joke that because of me he got to skip an afternoon of
school and asked me if I wanted to help him work on his Camaro. I guess
I was pretty messy because he never let me work on his Camaro before.
